I question my time here

I never thought I would feel this way here. I am lonely. I guess I am just so used to having close friends and family around that make me feel loved. There isn't really anyone I feel comfortable going to with my feelings and problems. So this has made me turn to God for comfort. Then I started thinking, this is awful. When I have nothing else, I turn to God. Like He is my last resort when He should be my first. I think a lot of us can relate. Going directly to God is what we should do. Of course, I am learning this the hard way. Although I do have God on my side, I still feel lonely at times.

We have a 5 day weekend this week. For the past 2 weeks we have been planning on going to a national park not too far from Comayagua. We were going to stay in cabins, go hiking, and swim in a waterfall. I had been counting on this weekend for a while and was so anxious to go. At the last minute, our plans fell through. I have been needing a break so badly. I need a break from everything. There is no where to get away. It's too dangerous to just find a quiet place outside and our house feels like a jail surrounded by a tall concrete barbed wire fence. At times, I feel pointless here. When I thought about being a missionary, I thought I was going to be in remote villages with a translator telling the good news to people who had never heard about Jesus. It was my dream as a missionary! But, sadly, I have not told a soul. So I question, what is the point of me being here? I know it may not seem relevant now, but I know God has a reason. I may not be directly speaking the words of God, but over time I hope I impact someone somehow. At the moment, I just don't see it. I spend most of my days yelling at my students to listen and behave. It is emotionally draining at times. I never thought I was going to be yelling at kids and sitting in detention with bad students everyday as a missionary. I begin to wonder how I am showing God by doing this. My patience has been tested to great levels. I try to find the positive aspects of this place, but most of the time I find it very hard to do. Prayer is what I hold onto for comfort. God is the only one by my side through my struggles here.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6,7